Marriage…til death do us part…or til we get tired of one another?
In just about every household there is an on-going joke, as morbid as it may be, “UNTIL DEATH DO WE PART…OR UNTIL ONE OF YOU KILLS THE OTHER FIRST!” Like I said, a rather morbid sense of humor but that is me. The sad truth is this, husbands and wives were single men and women before marriage; just in case you did not realize this. Also, just because you got married neither of you got rid of all your old thoughts, decision processes, or positions on life in general. In some cases, you didn’t do so completely and emphatically when you were saved, either. But you may have tried and fell back into those thoughts. And I am not saying that your thoughts, etc. were wrong either. But when we get married, we do not always go over our beliefs and thoughts on life with a fine toothed comb prior to tying the knot.
Jesus inferred that we were meant to live with each other until our final breath. Here is Jesus’ discussion on the topic:
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” ~Matthew 19:3-10 NKJV
Think about this for a moment…we will spend more time, figuratively speaking, to find a closer parking spot at a market, sports arena, or a concert rather than spending much needed time deciding what we desire or seek in a spouse. And to go just a bit further, we almost never seek what God wants of us, or has in store for us, because we are too busy thinking about the opposite sex due to our raging hormones. Parents have all but given up the guidance of their children in choosing a mate. And most children would probably not listen because they are too busy with their friends listening to some of their stories about how good they are in bed or how good someone else must be in bed because of the way they look or act or because they are busy looking at porn. And, by the way, that is adultery…because Jesus said so…
You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.~Matthew 5:27-28 NKJV
God has a plan for each and everyone of us, but we do need to listen and pay attention. We need to talk, to pray, and to seek out His will within His word…as single people and as married couples. We should be taking up the gauntlet to bring our children up in His ways, what He wants us to have in the way of a spouse. We need to take up the obligation, the task of speaking to our children about what constitutes a good spouse and act that way with our own spouses, especially in front of them and in secret from them. Because while in secret, we tend to act differently…sad to say but it is true.
According to The Witherspoon Institute, Public Discourse, a 2014 study produced the following (Stanton, 2015):
- The age-adjusted crude divorce rate is currently thirteen divorces for every 1,000 people age fifteen and older.
- This is the percentage of ever-divorced adults in a population. This, of course, is not an annual rate. Currently, 22 percent of women and 21 percent of men have ever been divorced.
- In 2011, nineteen out of every 1,000 marriages ended in divorce.
- This is the “40-50 percent” number that most people cite. It is not a hard, objective number, but an educated projection.
Now am I talking about taking the lead as Abraham did for Isaac as depicted in Genesis 24? No, but I am saying we as parents need to spend more time teaching our children in the things of life than we actually do. Our American society has handed over all teaching of our children to the public schools. Guess what, they do not prepare them with marriage. Although, they have taught our children that they can have sex and how to make babies and that they do not need to ask our permission. Is this all true? By inference, yes it is. We as parents need to teach our kids how to create a loving long lasting relationship with their spouse by living it and blatantly teaching them on such subjects. It is our obligation to them, as our children, as a gift from God, and it is an obligation to God…because we are answerable to God for all of our actions, deeds, decisions, and words. How else can we train our children up in the statutes of the Lord, and His ways, if we do not teach them how to live with their spouse?
We as parents need to take a much larger role in our children’s lives, because if we do not people of the likes of Axl Rose, John Belushi, Janis Joplin, Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobain, as well as others, including their peers who know nothing about life, will be glad to take up such a challenge!
If you truly believe your child is precious cargo…then treat them s such and teach them for God’s sake, your sake and their own future’s sake!
May God Richly Bless You, My Beloved!
MK Murphy, PhD, DD